It’s been a while since I’ve written anything about fertility as my husband is in the midst of a nine month deployment and trying to conceive is obviously on hiatus. However, TTC and being a part of the military community is something that I struggle with. This issue may come off as if I’m complaining (which I kind of am!) or ungrateful (I’m totally NOT!)…take it as you please- this post is more for me getting it off my chest and venting :)
FYI- my last cycle started on November 8…it’s been a rough couple of months. My progesterone levels were lower than 1, and this past cycle obviously abnormally long (started my current one on December 26th. I swear the only thing I wished for for Christmas was Tyler staying safe and getting a god damn period, haha). I’ve done everything within my control to gain normal cycles-…I honestly don’t think the wine and cocktails I consumed affected my reproductive system THAT much… There seems to be a connection with my abnormally long cycles and extremely low progesterone levels…. Anyways, we shall see how the next few months ago. I have an appointment with my OBGYN later this month.
When Tyler and I started dating, there was absolutely no mention of him going back in the army as an officer. He was in his last year of undergrad (after serving 6 years in the military, going through two 12 month tours in Iraq, and getting out as a Staff Sergeant at the age of 24- pretty badass)… and had mentioned going to grad school. However, there was an obvious change of plans seeing that he is now a 1st Lieutenant, haha. We got married when I was 26 and he was 29…in a couple of weeks I turn 29 and he will be 32 in March.
Point blank- we are old for not having any children in the military community. TJ has always had the mentality of not comparing himself to anyone else as he seriously doesn’t give a shit, but it’s something that is sometimes difficult for me.
SO many enlisted soldiers marry early and they conceive (thank God TJ and his ex wife didn’t)… and continue doing so. The wives often times blame the military on not being able to get a job or further their education which is ridiculous (MYCAA- will help you get at least an associates degree if you meet the requirements).
After our miscarriage in September of 2013, I became so much more aware of pregnancy things. Not just more knowledgeable about the topics of miscarriage and fertility, but more emotionally aware.
A week after my D&C, I went to a Hail and Farewell (basically a gathering at a location or restaurant to honor those who are leaving the unit and welcoming those coming in) with Tyler. I didn’t want to go, but I did… and it was hard. I found out that a fellow army wife was expecting… and her and another wife (who was due a week before I was due… and kept rubbing her freaking belly) spent pretty much the whole evening talking about pregnancy issues. I remained on the opposite end of the table, holding my husband’s hand, and sipping on a beer.
These are normal things to talk about, but seeing as they knew we had just endured a loss 1/3 of the way through a pregnancy, it made me give them the side-eye. Bottom line- it hurt my fucking feelings, and I cried the whole way home. And, I avoided most army-related events from there on out which may be immature or weak on my end as I truly want to be there for my husband, but it was something I felt like I had to do to continue moving forward.
Going to the doctor is a whole other issue. Here, at Fort Bliss, if you’re under Tricare Prime, you can either go to the hospital, William Beaumont, or be seen at the clinic (it’s a new, nice facility) on East Bliss. Tyler works on East Bliss and it’s closer to our house, so that’s where I’m typically seen (however, my new obgyn is at the hospital). Some days are better than others when I go for lab work or appointments, but sometimes it completely sucks donkey seeing young ass girls with children. Usually it’s a baby with a toddler that they can’t control and they seem to be like 22.
My doctors have even made comments about young girls complaining that they haven’t gotten pregnant within the first few months of trying… I’ll never forget the tone my old OBGYN had when I initially went in for infertility (and happened to be pregnant at the time!)…she thought I was much younger than I was, then changed her demeanor when she saw my birth date, haha :)
Military families are supposed to come together. Tyler deployed outside of his unit; therefore, I have had absolutely no support from a FRG. I don’t know if it is normal or not, but it has put a bad taste in my mouth about the “support group” we are supposed to have. I know a handful of spouses who have experienced a deployment since moving here, and they have posted a shit ton of get togethers, events, etc. with their FRG…and have seemed to have made lifelong friends. If I ever become in charge of the FRG at TJ’s future units, I’ll ensure that everyone is included… and checked in on ;) But this is beside the point.
I feel as if I should create a club for army wives to come together with spouses that are deployed (there is one for spouses TTC, but not for deployed spouses).
I think many people don’t know how to talk to those that are having trouble. I understand- before our situation, I would have no idea what to do or say! From what I have gathered through blogging and being open about our situation with family and friends- saying nothing implies that it’s not a big deal or that you don’t care. But it IS a big deal.
Also, don’t be afraid to talk about your pregnancy/baby. If you push me under the rug about a pregnancy….I’m sorry, but I’ll push you under the rug about the birth. Don’t hide news about a pregnancy! It may tug at my heart a bit and I will probably be slightly jealous, but I’m truly happy for you- and I’ll want to know details and hold the babes once it makes an appearance :)
I was not the “best of friends” with some people in my earlier years, but I have discussed infertility issues with them for the past couple of years and have watched them birth amazing babies… It really opens your eyes as to who your true friends are… but I’ll get to that in another post.
Not only have these few women brought new light into my world, they taught me to be my own advocate. I don’t think I’m getting the best healthcare right now….my husband may oppose this notion because “it’s free”. I understand that throwing women on Clomid may work for many, but it’s also dangerous as it can cause ovarian cysts, thinning of the uterine lining, and ovarian cancer. My mom was on Clomid as her and my dad experienced secondary infertility after I was born (my brother and I are 5 years apart)… and she was even monitored back then! That’s why I get upset about our healthcare… but we’ll deal with it until we conceive or have to move onto Plan B.
To wrap things up, it will be interesting to see what happens. The thing I’m looking forward to the most this year is being reunited with my husband…my world will not be okay until I come face to face again and feel him in my arms… :)
Cheers to 2015!
* If you’re a part of a military community, have you ever experienced any sort of issues?
*What are you looking forward to the most this year?