Back in February, I wrote about post about trying to conceive and religion which you can read about HERE. I was honest and sincere with my thoughts about the subject matter, and after reading it over again, I still hold the same opinion. However, I recently opened up about battling anxiety and depression, especially within the past two years. Though anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications and therapy can definitely help, I needed something to help take away my bitterness and help me be at peace (or at least try to be) with our situation. Before I start, and as I mentioned in my previous post about this, I’ve always believed in a higher power. I’m NOT anti-religion, anti-God, nor have I ever been- I just simply have a hard time believing certain things and thinking that everything that happens in our life stems from an almighty plan.
Infertility and miscarriages are often times correlated with God’s will and timing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard these types of lines throughout the past two years, and while they might often times be used as a comforting technique, the phrases ultimately started falling upon deaf ears. If there is something medically prohibiting a couple from conceiving, you need to freaking fix it, not sit there praying for a miracle. You pray throughout and after the testing and procedures. Yes, sometimes infertility and recurrent miscarriages are unexplained. Yet other times it could be something a simple medication can fix and other times more invasive procedures, such as IUI, or IVF, are very much needed and not guaranteed.
I started wondering shortly before Tyler came home if perhaps we were, in fact, being punished for not actively practicing religion, being devoted members of a church, reading the bible- whatever. I went back and forth about this, and finally came to a conclusion.
I can have faith, but not be “religious”. What I mean by religious is what I just mentioned directly above. I know that not everyone feels the same way I do and that’s fine, but think there are certain degrees of being religious, if that makes sense. To be honest, the last time I attended mass was at a wedding more than three years ago (I’m Catholic by the way). However, when and if we have a baby, we will have he/she baptized in the Catholic church (luckily, Tyler was converted to Catholicism prior to his first marriage so he’s good). I guess I believe that I can have faith- be spiritual and believe in a higher power without being completed devoted. There are SO many people that are church-goers only on major holidays, and that’s acceptable, right? ;)
I can believe that there is a plan for my husband and I, far greater than I could ever imagine. Yes, sometimes this notion is difficult to grasp and you just want to yell a big ol’ “F-YOU” to the stars above, but truly believing in this truly is comforting during dark moments.
I can hope and pray that parenthood is in our future, but we cannot manipulate our way there. A good friend of mine has gone through heartbreaking struggles of her own- recurrent miscarriages. After our loss, she reached out to me and has been an amazing support system ever since. Among the many things she taught me, one of them was that you HAVE to be your advocate. Get second opinions, ask for more tests, research the shit out of everything, and don’t simply just believe that everything your doc advises you is right because they’re a doctor. Many medical professionals have different protocols and are just flat-out better with assisting patients in certain areas of their practice than others.
But, after you do absolutely everything in your power to help further you in your journey, you have have to accept that whatever the outcome meant to be, WILL BE.
Now don’t think I came to this revelation completely on my own. I talked to my best friend about this and eventually found myself looking up books on Amazon that might offer some guidance. I knew I had to be picky about what I chose as I didn’t want something super heavy with biblical verses that I didn’t understand, and I needed something that dealt with both loss, infertility, and the emotions that surface under both of these circumstances. I finally stumbled across a book called Hannah’s Hope by Jennifer Saake. This book deals with everything I mentioned and adoption loss which I thought was neat as it’s a topic that isn’t addressed as much as it should be.
I still have a couple of chapters to go with the it and then I want to go back and highlight the segments that I found relatable and encouraging. I plan on doing another post about the book itself once I work my way through that :) While Hannah’s Hope has been an amazing resource, I must mention that I don’t agree with everything the author says (allowing your husband to take the complete leadership role and be submissive to him- yeah, that ain’t EVER happening. And then the whole masturbating thing being frowned upon and thought of as being a sin….Ummm, yeah right. Then you end up having Josh Duggar as your husband). Anyways, I’ll touch more on the pro’s and con’s of the book in a couple of weeks as I’m enjoying taking my time reading it.
So that’s what has been on my mind and what I wanted to share today. Religion is a touchy subject and I know society gets their panties in a wad about it, but I really don’t think this is what makes one person better than the other. Just be the best you can be, have respect and integrity, and believe in something that gives you hope, strength, and peace to get you through difficult times. Easier said than done ;)
What are your thoughts on religion? Having faith? Being spiritual?